BIKE PUMP; or: Why Google is making us all TERRIBLE writers!

Thanks a lot, Google. Because of you, the art of writing is being lost -- to the science of search-engine optimization.

Clearly, the minds behind Google don't care much about good writing, for the algorithms they've created to "rank" pages put the highest value on repetition and density of key words and phrases. This results in a very stilted, redundant style of writing that certainly doesn't flow off the tongue (or out of the word processor) very easily.

Let's say you're writing an article on the best bicycle pumps -- an arguably valuable resource for bicyclists. Now, of course, in the world of the Internet, there are probably thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of Web pages that contain information about bike pumps. And in order for readers to receive your valuable insights, they must first find your article. Thus, the importance of gaining a high page ranking: It greatly increases your chances of catching readers' attention.

This has forced a complete change in the way writers research and compose their articles.

Instead of starting your article off with an interesting statistic, say, or a personal anecdote, and then letting the story flow naturally and pleasingly into your list or descriptions of bicycle pumps, the first thing you need to do is do a little key-word research. This will yield a determination that the phrase "bike pump" is actually the most-searched term in Google.

That's the key phrase you need to use -- and you MUST be sure to incorporate it into both your headline and the first sentence, and then use it every 20 words or so on average. The resulting copy looks something like this:

Bike Pump Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Bike pump blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bike pump blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Bike Pump blah blah blah bike pump blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah bike pump blah blah blah blah blah blah. Bike blah blah pump blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bike pump.

Now, to be fair, you're allowed -- even encouraged -- to use up to five similar or related key words and phrases, such as "bicycle air pump," "tire pump" and "bicycle pumps."

Oh, joy! Your sparkling copy will now resemble something like:

Bike Pump Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Bike pump blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bicycle pumps blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Tire pump blah blah blah bike pump blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah bicycle air pump blah blah blah blah. Bike blah blah pump blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bicycle pumps.

Ahhh ... SO much better!!!

BOB-ing and weaving ...

Report: The Sun-Sentinel's BOB (Best of Blog) awards party took place last night (March 3) at YOLO, a hot spot on Los Olas in downtown Fort Lauderdale -- and a block away from the Sun-Sentinel building where I worked for almost 10 years.

It was a little strange, in a deja-vu-ey way, to be back in the neighborhood I spent so much time in. And we shivered a bit through the proceedings, as the event was held outdoors on an extremely chilly night (thank god for that roaring fire pit!).

But Gail and I both agreed at the end of the evening that it was well worth attending -- even though, as expected, neither of us won. First of all, we were served the restaurant's Szechuan Calamari (delish!) and a side dish of creamy pasta; second, we drank for free.

Good mood established, we were ready to mingle with other local bloggers, say hello to some old colleagues from the Sentinel, and cheer the winners as they were announced. (In case you're interested, you can read which blogs won the first BOB Awards here.)

Interestingly, two of the winning blogs contain the word "sex." Hmmm ... maybe I'm on to something. Or not.

Regardless, I'll continue this endeavor -- even without any awards or recognition. Because, really, to be honest, I'm kind of hooked on being Middle-age Sexy!!

Point ... and, SHOOT!!

I've been camera-less since last summer, when the telescoping mechanism on my Canon Powershot 7.1 megapixel digital camera went blooey -- and they wanted 90 bucks to fix it.

Since $90 was a bit dear to me at that point, I put the camera away and forgot about it. Then, I started thinking I could probably buy a smaller, newer-generation camera for not much more than that after Christmas. (Hello, disposable society!).

After several frustrating incidents of needing a camera but not having one (like, uh -- being in the same room as the Dalai Lama!), I finally decided to get a new camera. I perused the sale brochures from all the local stores, and determined that the clearance prices for 10 megapixel cameras, which are being phased out, were pretty much the same.

So, on a whim last Thursday, I stopped at a nearby Office Depot -- and left the store with a little Nikon Coolpix. Saturday provided a perfect opportunity to try it out, during a trip to Loxahatchee Refuge in western Boynton Beach (here's my Examiner review of the refuge.)

Though the Coolpix camera was nicely compact and very user-friendly, it had a couple of features I really did not like at all:

• First, there's no viewfinder -- and here in sunny Florida, taking shots in the bright outdoors can be challenging just using the LCD screen, because you can't always see it.
• And second, the camera's zoom was really quite lame. Zooming in on a gator sunning on a bank with a bird perched nearby, my Nikon didn't get nearly as close to the scene as my friend Cori's little Canon did.
  

Point ... and, SHOOT!

So, I returned the Nikon Coolpix today and exchanged it for a Canon Powershot Digital Elph -- a better camera for my needs. And, best of all, after the floor-model discount, only 20 bucks more.

Point and shoot, no problem!

The Dalia Lama and I ...

... hung out together the other day. And, even though there were about 3,000 other people in the room with us, I felt the intimate pull of this most holy and wise man for the hour and a half that he was present in the auditorium.

For more details on the Dalai Lama's visit Wednesday (Feb. 24) to Florida Atlantic University, check out my story for Examiner. The report even contains many useful quotes from Tibet's spiritual leader ... feel free to spread them around!

OK, I'll start:

"Inner strength, inner peace and self confidence lead to lasting joyfulness."

Vote for me!

I've never been one for avid self-promotion, so this blog title already doesn't sit too well with me.

But, a friend of mine nominated this blog, Middle-Age Sexy, for a bunch of South Florida Sun-Sentinel Best of Blog awards. The voting has been ongoing for a couple of weeks now, and the contest is fast winding down. (In case you want to support a starving -- but sexy! -- middle-aged blogger, go to the BOB Awards voting site and vote! I'm in several categories: humor, defies categorization, personal, and best overall.)

The prize is $100 -- which would be the first money I'd ever earned from this particular labor of love. Of course, I'm not even in the top three in any of the categories, so I'm not holding out much hope of scoring a cool hundred bucks.

But I am looking forward to attending the BOB Awards party, which occurs next Wednesday (March 3) in downtown Fort Lauderdale. I'm going to go with my friend, Gail, whose excellent blog, Shrinking Sisters, is also a multiple nominee.

As two escapees from the Sun-Sentinel (and yes, we do consider ourselves as having escaped that place!), Gail and I are looking forward to checking out the old "nabe" -- as well as networking with other bloggers. We've even heard there's going to be some free food! (Hey, we're bloggers: Will socialize for food ...)

I'll let ya know if I win anything. It would be an unexpected honor, that's for sure!

I have a date with the Dalai Lama ...

Well, me and about 5,000 other people!

I was lucky enough to score a ticket to hear the Tibetan spiritual leader speak at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton next Wednesday (Feb. 24). As a graduate student of the university, I was eligible to enter a student lottery for a free ticket -- and I won in the second round of drawings! Woo-hoot!

The Dalai Lama will talk about "Compassion as a Pillar of World Peace." I plan to take notes and report on his speech in my capacity as the WPB Health and Happiness Examiner. I've already posted an article for Examiner outlining the ongoing events on campus celebrating "Peace Week" leading up to the Dalai Lama's appearance. Check it out! And stay tuned for the report ...

New economy, new attitude

While enjoying my 9:30 a.m. yoga class this morning, I glanced around the room of 22 or so students, and noticed that almost all of us "regulars" are Baby Boomers -- from 40-something to early 60s or so. Meanwhile, lots of other Boomers were out in the gym, exercising on machines, in the circuit, with weights, etc.

Hmmm, I thought. It's interesting that so many people in this age group are able to attend a class that clearly falls during the 9-5 workday.

Though it's probably a combination of factors (retirees, people on flex time, housewives, etc.), I suspect that many are, like me, working as a freelancer or a consultant these days.

It's no secret that middle-aged workers have borne the brunt of the downsizing fever these past couple of years, as employers, eyeing only the bottom line, gleefully cut us loose from our well-paying positions. After eking it out on unemployment, applying for the few paltry jobs out there, and getting thoroughly discouraged, many Boomers seem to have found their way into the world of self-employment -- via contract, freelance or consulting jobs.

And I'd be willing to bet that they're loving it! This lifestyle gives you independence, freedom and flexibility -- especially if you can land some well-paying gigs.

Want to go to a 9:30 weekday exercise class? Planning to meet a friend for a leisurely two-hour lunch? Feel like popping in a load of laundry so it doesn't pile up so much? Go for it!

Think better after midnight when the kids are asleep and the house is quiet? Work more efficiently in smaller bursts as opposed to a drawn-out, eight-hour day? Want to tackle some projects in the evening while the TV is on in the background? Go for it!

After spending much of our lives as drones for some big, soulless corporation, it's nice to finally see what real life balance can look like. And you know what, I'm thinking this might just come back to bite said corporations in the butt -- big-time.

For, when they start hiring again and needing quality workers, they're probably going to cast desirous glances our way. After all, the things middle-aged workers bring to the job -- our experience, our wisdom, our work ethic, our focus, our maturity, our knowledge -- are things that benefit the bottom line in the long run. And the things we lack -- shallowness, entitlement, it's-all-about-me drama, callowness -- are found in abundance in the rest of the employee pool!

I don't know about you, fellow Baby Boomer, but the new economy has given me a new attitude. When these companies crook their fingers, I'm not going to go running back to them with my tail between my legs.

Sorry, no -- I've got a yoga class to catch!

More chocolatey-good news!

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, comes a research report that reiterates the benefits attributed to dark chocolate. Yummy news, indeed!

According to a story in HealthDay.com, researchers in Toronto compiled results from several studies to conclude that eating dark chocolate seems to lower your risk of stroke or lessen the chance of death after a stroke.

It's the antioxidants in dark chocolate called flavonoids that are credited with a growing list of health benefits, including lowering your blood pressure and helping battle heart disease (or so says Web MD) .

But of course this good news comes with a caveat: Chocolate should be consumed in moderation.

Nutritionist Keith-Thomas Ayoob, a professor at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City, was quoted by HealthDay as saying: "It's nice to know that chocolate isn't bad for you, assuming you eat modest amounts and don't become overweight by overeating it."

Yes, indeed!

That's entertainment!

I've had a great week entertainment -- both the live and screen versions.

First, I caught a showing of the wonderful production now playing at the Delray Beach Playhouse, an all-female musical review titled A .. My Name Will Always Be Alice (lame title, yes, but an awesome show!) It's playing through Feb. 14; see my Examiner review for more details. By all means, go see it -- if you can get seats! Positive buzz has spread, and tickets are selling out.

Speaking of sold-out showings: Went to see Avatar in 3D at the IMAX last night (Feb. 5), a plan that I blogged about in my last post, "The Avatar effect." All of the seats for our showing at 7:50 p.m. were filled, and as we left the theater, it looked like sold-out line for the later showing, too.

I'm so glad I went! Having seen the movie before, I was free to concentrate on the visuals: the lifelike, eye-popping 3D effects; the glorious, luminescent colors; the athletic, graceful -- and blue -- Na'vi people; the wondrous and fearsome flora and fauna; and the incredibly intricate details that filled the screen, top-to-bottom and side-to-side.

What a film! It's an instant classic -- sure to be talked about, analyzed, duplicated, and viewed for decades to come. And there's already talk of a sequel. Can't wait!