Thursday, April 23, 2009

The frustration continues

Though I have several things to be mildly to wildly frustrated about these days (including the never-ending weight battle and the ongoing search for long-term employment), my most formidable frustration right now is the one I'm facing regarding Matthew's smoking habit.


Since I met him, he has quit and restarted at least three times. (I last wrote about this issue in a Nov. 14 blog titled "Kissing an ashtray.") And I've had a hard time knowing how to deal with it. Of course I realize that cigarettes are probably the hardest substance to kick, and the smoker has to really want to quit in order to stand even a chance (which Matthew apparently doesn't). I also know that it's his body, his health, his choice, yada-yada-yada.

But it's not as if this choice doesn't affect me. I mean, come on, what nonsmoker enjoys being with someone who indulges? Kissing an ashtray; smelling it on clothes and in rooms; having him excuse himself frequently to go light up somewhere: the inconveniences go on and on.

And, it's just so stupid to quit and go through all that withdrawal and the cravings, and then give into the cravings before you've come out the other side of them. That cycle is a lose-lose, as far as I'm concerned. So, my frustration grows ...

My reactions have veered from anger (very unhelpful!) to reasoning (ineffective) to fining him $5 per pack (short-lived). I've also told him several times to let me know what I can do to help him in his battle with the butts. But now, he doesn't even seem to want to discuss it with me. So I'm left with bad and worse choices. Continue harping on him (counter-productive!), or say nothing (tacit approval!). So my frustration grows ...

Ironically, Matt did tell me that his doctor advised him to leave his girlfriend (me) if she smokes. Of course, he replied that not only don't I smoke, but I hate it. So, does that mean I should leave him? My frustration continues ...

1 comments:

Paula & Skip said...

Oh well, even when smoking is so common and accepted in our society it doesnt change the fact IT IS AN ADDICTION. Reasoning doesnt help, only setting limits and stick to the consequences. If the arent met, go! Simply because you would go anyway - just later and more annoyed. I know it is hard. Limits not only for him, but for you too. Stick to what you say or he experiences that you give in and keep talking. means for him, he can do whatever he wants. Have been there. Good luck, paula

 
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